I was called a feminist, and what I heard was, "You are an angry, sex-hating, man-hating victim lady person." This caricature is how feminists have been warped by the people who fear feminism most, the same people who have the most to lose when feminism succeeds.
I disavowed feminism because I had no rational understanding of the movement. I had lots of strange things in my head during my teens and twenties. I had it in my head that I could not both be a feminist and be sexually open. When I was called a feminist, during those days, my first thought was, But I willingly give blow jobs. In fact, it was generally intended as such. I disavowed feminism because when I was called a feminist, the label felt like an insult. I understand why women still fall over themselves to disavow feminism, to distance themselves.
When I was younger, I disavowed feminism with alarming frequency. Then they get knocked off when they fuck it up. People who are placed on pedestals are expected to pose, perfectly. I am a bad feminist because I never want to be placed on a Feminist Pedestal. I am just trying - trying to support what I believe in, trying to do some good in this world, trying to make some noise with my writing while also being myself: a woman who loves pink and likes to get freaky and sometimes dances her ass off to music she knows, she knows, is terrible for women and who sometimes plays dumb with repairmen because it's just easier to let them feel macho than it is to stand on the moral high ground. I am not trying to say I have all the answers. I embrace the label of bad feminist because I am human.
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